I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
