omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
