I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
