If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
