Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
