I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
