Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
