Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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