You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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