Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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