I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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