WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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