I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
