You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
