I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
