She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
