I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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