I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
