you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
