Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
