I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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