Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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