i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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