So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
