i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
