so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
