he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
