I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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