apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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