12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
