Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Randomize
