What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
