I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
