You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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