so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
