How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
