Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
