I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
