You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
