Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
