I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
