I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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