I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
