I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
