i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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