I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
