you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
