He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
