i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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