Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He passed out mid-signature
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
