I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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