Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
They have beer where we have blood.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
