Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
