just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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